I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
