see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
