so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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