he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A bitchslap is in order.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
