quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
