god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
