thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
