Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
