how can u be prego again
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
