All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
