I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
