Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
