My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
