All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
