I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
