i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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