Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
