When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
