I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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