Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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