I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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