I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
