i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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