i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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