I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need a burrito and a hug.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
