it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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