i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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