I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
