i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
