Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Farmville is her only friend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
