Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
