woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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