fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
