im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize