just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
