drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
