I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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