oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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