She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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