I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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