he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
