Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
