I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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