my mouth tastes like poor choices
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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