Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
