I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
