It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize