Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
