it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
