i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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