Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
