So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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