I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize