I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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