im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
