all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize