Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
