I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
