She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize