I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
