If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
