Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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