isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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