girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My life is pants optional.
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