I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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