My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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