Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
