What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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