The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
