I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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