He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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