May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
