Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
