I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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