she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
