That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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