No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
