no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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