turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We need a shit load of segways right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
