They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
