She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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