I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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