Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
