upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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