Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize