Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Two words: nipple clamps
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