Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
