Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
